In-laws demand their son and daughter-in-law travels out-of-state for father-in-law's birthday party, forces couple to share a hotel room with them: 'We are the only ones expected to share a room since we don’t have kids.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 1, 2026 11:00 AM EST

Should they have to accept this lodging situation when the in-laws are paying for it?

Not all financial gifts are given without strings. If your parents pay for all of your wedding expenses, they might want to have a lot of say in exactly how their money is spent. Your mom might insist that you go for a blush and bashful theme because after all, she's the one paying for it so she should have some say in how it looks. Some parents are more than willing to Zelle their adult children $20K and say, "Here's your wedding money, go crazy," but that's relatively rare. 

If you don't want your parents to have any say in how you plan your wedding, you should probably plan to pay for your wedding yourself. If you want to have full-control of your family vacation, you need to be the one who plans and pays for it. There's nothing wrong with accepting an invitation from your in-laws to go on vacation on their dime, but you must do so with the understanding that if they're paying for it, they have a lot more say than you do. It's impolite to complain about a hotel room that somebody else is paying for. But what if you never asked your in-laws to pay for the hotel in the first place? What if you were pressured to go on a trip you don't want to go on and can't afford to pay for yourself? The young couple in this story didn't really want to travel out of state to celebrate their father/father-in-laws birthday, but they got roped into it and now they're being shamed for wanting some privacy.

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  • Senior couple lying in bed
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I wrong? My in-laws demanded we travel 18 hour round trip for grandpa's birthday party at a hotel, and all the other kids and spouses get their own room. They want to share with us since we don’t have kids.

    I'm really frustrated. My in laws pretty much guilt tripped all of us to travel out of state to go to a grandpa's birthday party and I as a daughter in law have already shared a hotel room with them several times and I'm so uncomfortable.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • They are paying for us to come because otherwise we can't afford a hotel and trip at this time as we're already dealing with infertility.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • Well I finally spoke up and I said me and my husband need our own room and then they said we would have to help pay then if we didn't want to share a room.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • I got pretty upset at them and told them we won't come then because having our own room is not a luxury it's a need.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • Weekend morning full length view of the romantic married couple lying peacefully on a bed and looking at the window with pleasure
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I the asshole?! EDIT TO ADD: They are paying for everyone to come not just us we are the only ones expected to share a room since we don't have kids
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • Two little sisters jumping on a bed indoors in hotel
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • LePetitNeep Let husband go without you and share the room. It's his family.
    via u/LePetitNeep
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply Yeah I'm leaning towards this as well
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • Longjumping-Analyst7 YTA - If you cannot afford something and it's provided to you, you don't get the luxury of demanding more (your own room.) I understand it's uncomfortable, but then you should simply not go. Why isn't your husband handling his family interactions? He should be the one broaching these conversations on your behalf as their his family.
    via u/Longjumping-Analyst7
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply I told them I'm fine not to go! I said if it's too much money we don't have to come. But I'm not sharing a hotel room with them again I need my own privacy as an in law. And also my husband already talked about it with them how we would need our own room since they are booking everything and then last night they told us we would have to pay then and I said then we can't go this trip is already a lot to ask.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • lordcommander55 NTA I would never share a room with another couple, let alone in- laws. Your husband needs to be the one to deal with this though. I would stay home if you cannot afford it. Tell your husband he can go and share a room with mommy and daddy if he likes.
    via u/lordcommander55
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply Yeah I'm leaning towards this! I don't even want to go but they are the ones saying everyone needs to come
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • ThinAndCrispy4 YTA. Grow up. People don't make others do anything. If you don't wanna go then stay home. If you want your own hotel room, get your credit card out. Simple.
    via u/ThinAndCrispy4
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply IM FINE NOT GOING! They don't accept that!!!
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • BigMax Everyone is attacking you for not "standing up for yourself" but I totally get where you are coming from. They are setting you up to look shallow. "We are paying for everything and they refuse to come, all because we won't buy them a private hotel room! Unless we pay for their own, personal room, they refuse to come!" Which is... kind of true, right? But also, it's totally unfair to paint you in that position, because not wanting to share a small hotel room with your in-laws is perfectly
    via u/BigMax
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply I really appreciate this comment so much. Thank you it means a lot
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • moongirl1222 This is the most nuanced comment here. I don't agree with other commenters that she should've just said she couldn't go from the beginning. Communication is key in ALL relationships. If she point blank said she couldn't go without communicating that she's open to going if they had their own room, there would've been no room for compromise. Plenty of in-laws would've taken this request into consideration and paid for the separate room if that meant their son and DIL would come on the
    via u/moongirl1222
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply Thank you for this. You worded it perfectly
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • Emergency Caramel_93 They're offering free accommodations and travel expenses for you to visit on the condition that you share a room? Why not just pay for your own room or not go because you can't afford that? I'm going with soft yta
    via u/Emergency_Caramel_93
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply Because they are the ones pushing this trip! If we had to pay our own way we can't come period. They want us there and I have my conditions for privacy for several nights
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • oohkt Their plan makes sense. The spouses with their kids get their own room because they need more space. It's not favoritism, it's practicality. YAH. Thank them for the free trip or don't go, but be prepared to be the AH who refused to go only because they won't pay for another room.
    via u/oohkt
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply Let me be clear. This isn't a fun vacation for me. I don't want to go and I already struggle with his family let alone not getting to have my own quiet time is too much for me.
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • actualchristmastree INFO why do you have to go???
    via u/actualchristmastree
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply I'd love to know that myself I told them I'm fine staying behind and husband can go. They are very insistent the whole family comes
    via u/halloweenfreak101
  • General Relative2838 Info: what does your husband think? Why wasn't he the one to talk to his parents? Without more information, I have to go with NAH. I understand why you want your own room, but paying for this trip for everyone must be expensive for your in- laws. You wrote they guilted you into it, but what about your husband? Doesn't he want to go celebrate his grandfather's birthday? However, I do understand why you want your own room. NAH
    via u/General_Relative2838
  • halloweenfreak101 Original Poster's Reply My husband already talked to them weeks ago about this before I did last night. My husband wants to go support his grandpa but he is frustrated as well as it's over his birthday weekend and agrees it's a lot to ask
    via u/halloweenfreak101

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privacy birthday party childless hotel room couples in laws family traveling
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